‘Gypsy Jazz’. A Gemini perspective.

This article is dedicated to all my Jazz students.

Part One. Introduction.

‘Are you on the train?’.

‘Yes’.

‘Are you on the right train?’.

‘Yes’.

‘Are you sure?’.

‘Yes, I am sure’.

‘What does it say on the train?’.

‘Sligo….. I think’.

‘You think???’.

‘Let me see…Yes, it says ‘Sligo’.

‘Ok, fingers crossed, buddy. See you soon’.

That’s me, going to Sligo. Tonight we are playing in ‘Shoot the crow’, the birthplace of ‘No Crows’ – the best band in the world.

I can’t blame Felip for being paranoid about me ending up somewhere in Mongolia. After all, it was Felip who organised a search party before the gig in Switzerland when I got lost and it was Felip who sent his two beautiful daughters to track me down during the festival in Stidges, Spain. Usually I’d stick with one of the Crows while moving around but this time I decided I’m perfectly able to get to the soundcheck without Anna holding my hand. I went out and immediately got lost. With every turn it looked less and less like Spain. I started to panic…. and then a miracle happened. Two gentle voices started to sing in unison, ‘Oleeee, Oleeee’. I turned around and saw Maria and Deia, two angels in white robes who were summoned from Heaven by their dad for the rescue mission. They were walking right behind me, holding hands, singing and trying not to laugh. I nearly cried with relief. I hugged them and asked them not to abandon me again. Ever.

It turned out we were fifty metres away from our hotel.

Part Two.

Why am I writing this and what does it have to do with Gypsy Jazz?

I recently came back from the Sligo Jazz Festival, which is run by our Bassman extraordinare Eddie Lee.

Eddie lost one third of his weight after the festival and will soon abandon us and go to some kind of hippy retreat for the next 3 years to regain his sanity.

You see the connection?

I am Gypsy, I play Jazz, I was a tutor at the Sligo Jazz Project and I am going to Sligo. Again.

So here we go.

Jazz for Dummies.

Technically speaking, it’s just another style of music, that’s it. It’s one of the languages musicians use to express themselves on a creative and emotional level. Like every other style of creative arts, it has its own specific qualities like technique, articulation, rhythm, feel etc. Think of different languages, regional accents and slangs.

Jazz is a common name for the variety of music styles, some of which at this point have nothing in common with each other and with their ancestor – Blues.

Adam came out of dust, Eve came out of Adam, John Lee Hooker came out of Eve and Myles Davis came out of John Lee Hooker. The rest is history.

Jazz came out of Blues. Blues came out of Northern Africa. Then it was rather forcefully imported into the ‘Land of Brave and Confused’ – US of A, where it has literally exploded, showering the world with its fragments. Those fragments started to evolve into different styles, they started to gain popularity and get commercialised. Jazz found its way into the clubs, concert halls, films and festivals. It started to attract country, rock, classical, folk, Klezmer musicians of every colour and ethnicity who started to play, to compose and to modify Jazz. Now Jazz is being mixed with every existing style of music and is being played in every part of the world. It’s taught on a scientific and academic level in places like Berkley and in a very enjoyable and creative way in places like Sligo Jazz Project.

I prefer Sligo.

Trade Secrets and Hidden Workings of a Jazz Band for Dummies.

A Gemini perspective on Jazz politics.

Don’t read if you play trumpet.

Saxophones, trombones, trumpets and other plumbing devices are the main driving force in a typical modern Jazz band, like it or not. During the festival I was called, ‘Oleg Ponomarev, a Jazz Violin tutor’. Very impressive title it was indeed. The only problem was, we had several hundred horns and only two violins in attendance. An ethnic minority we were, I’d say. That will give you a good idea about the power distribution in the world of modern Jazz. We also had some pianos, guitars, vocalists and drums, but they are irrelevant for our conversation as they exist very much in the lower part of the typical Jazz band power structure.

I will explain why.

When I was learning how to drive a tank in my early years, my instructor told me about the most important rule of the road. I was driving through the forest and there was a group of soldiers marching towards our T-62. I am not a good driver. I am a disaster. I was once jailed for driving through the garrison guardhouse. So, when I saw this group of kids marching towards us, I started to panic and hit the brakes.

‘What are you doing, you moron!?’, shouted my instructor.

‘There’s not enough space’, I bleated, ‘I don’t want to run them over them, do I?’

‘Not your problem’, he snapped, ‘We are bigger!!! Full ahead march march!!!’

It turned out to be the most important rule I’ve ever learned. If you are bigger, it’s not your problem. Never mind the small people and do as you wish. It’s their business to get out of the way.

Something simular is happening in the world of Jazz nowadays. Those trombones and others are the loudest devices in the band. When they start noodling, it’s your responsibility to get out of the way. They don’t even need to use microphones as they can produce 120 horsepower in a minute and boy do they love it! If you ever hear a saxophone or trumpet playing quietly, that means their hearing is already damaged beyong any repair.

In the tank, you open your mouth when your commander decides to shoot at something, otherwise you’ll end up with the hearing loss and damage to your eardrums. Any normal musician should use the same technique.. The interesting thing is, they might sound like a bunch of bullies, hooligans and horrible human beings, but when they don’t blow into their devices, most of them are very decent and considerate folk. My flatmate Nick is one of them. He plays saxophone, but he is the nicest person you will ever meet. He reads books and he doesn’t eat meat. Yesterday he made me a tomato with Mozzarella and a year ago he gave me three pairs of socks. How nice is this?

I used to know a tuba player who had five or six cats. He fed them, he loved them and they were very happy together. The cats were deaf and traumatised of course, but otherwise they were in a good state. I can’t say the same about his girlfriend who moved out and his neighbours who had to sell their house and emigrate to Mongolia. His brother was routinely using his tuba as an ashtray just to get even. Can’t blame the fellow, to be honest. All this aside, when he wasn’t playing his tuba, he was a very decent and soft spoken person.

It’s an interesting phenomena, this. In Germany it’s called a ‘BMW driver effect’. BMW engineers apparently fiddle with some kind of dark energies while producing their cars. A very gentle, civilised person, a loving father and a gentleman, somebody who will cry during the ‘Titanic’ movie and help old ladies across the road will turn into a heartless monster the moment he gets inside his BMW. That’s a well known fact and nobody can explain how it works. The same is happening with the woodwind and brass players. The moment they lock their lips around their instruments, their personalities change. The will play loud and they will play a million notes per minute. Not that any of those notes will make any musical sense though. Also, they will use the most uncomfortable set of key signatures and this is where Gypsy Jazz players come in.

You see, all those horrible B flats and F Majors were invented to stroke brass and woodwind egos, as none of the normal instruments are able to use those key signatures. I am not talking about guitars as they don’care much about the keys anyway. They can re-tune their instruments if they are stuck, or use those devices called Capo, which is cheating at the very best. Also, they love to use ‘power chords’ which will fit any existing key and will also make them look and sound cool. Vocalists don’t really care as they are out of tune most of the time and if you mention a key signature to a drummer, he wouldn’t even know what you are talking about. Pianists use extremely compex chords. On purpose, I might add. Those chords are so horrifically complicated, they will fit any key/scale and as long as you make an appropriate face, everyone will think you are a very sofisticated player.

So, who’s left? Double basses, yes.

I remember an old story about the orchestra conductor who addressed the bass group during the rehearsal.

‘Basses, give me a B, please’

‘Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’

He thought for a while and said, ‘Can you give me a G instead?’

‘Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’

‘Better stick with B, thank you very much’

I don’t mean to sound horrible, but can you really tell the difference? Really? A clever bass player can play in any key and as long as he stays in the low register, he’ll be fine. Nobody will hear the difference anyway. And where does it leave us, violin players?

I’ll tell you where, but before I do, I have to tell you something else about horns, their key signatures and chords. They wouldn’t use dots as normal musicians do, they’ll use something which requires a PhD in advanced calculus. It makes them feel special. They will blow some random scale over ‘D sharp 7+5, multiplied by 3, slash F double flat-2, square root of 25.078 divided by 7’. (That’s one of your typical symbols in the Jazz chart, by the way). And you know what? It will work. You see, because horns play so fast, it doesn’t give your brain enough time to process all this audio information. So, it’ll sound ok. Kind of. For a while.

I spoke to an old blues fella in Memphis once. He told me he used to play with B.B.King and he told me that Mr. King was illiterate. He didn’t know his B flat from his D sharp. This fella knew only two types of music, Fast Blues and Slow Blues. Also, he only used four notes for all his solos. That’s my sort of musician.

So. Back to our main subject. As you know, the ‘Gypsy Jazz’ or ‘Hot Club’ is the only European addition to the world of Jazz. It was invented by two incredible musicians, Belgian Gypsy Django Reinhart on guitar and violinist Stephen Grappelli. Django was a musical genius. He was incredibly fast but he was lazy as most of Gypsies are. He wanted to play Jazz but he couldn’t be bothered with all those square roots. He didn’t want to submit to the horns hegemony and he didn’t want to use those horrible B flats. Also, he didn’t want to play time signatures which tell you to play in 17/34 for 2.5 bars and 21/2.8 for another 7.2 bars. So. What did he do?

He took away some components of Jazz and he replaced it with something else. In short, that’s what he did.

He changed all key signatures to suit violin, so Grapelli would be able to play without dislocating his wrists. Most of the Hot Club pieces are written in A, D, G and E, which is very decent of Django.

Chords and scales. He got rid of those algebra formulas which require spending 5 years in Harward (Django himself couldn’t even write, let alone read those charts). Most of the chords in Hot Club are simple triad inversions, sevenths and sometimes diminished sevenths, that’s all.

He got rid of those scary time signatures and played everything in 4/4 and 3/4.

He got rid of the main feature of the American Jazz – swing and replaced it with the ‘Um-Tsa’, a typical Gypsy straight feel.

That’s it, folks. Nothing more, nothing less. That’s how this brand new style of music was born. It was invented by someone who hated to follow the rules, who was lazy, illiterate, stubborn and overly dramatic genius.

Django and Grapelli.

Two Gods, two legends.

Good night, everyone.

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