A WEDDING ACCORDING TO GEMINI PART 2
Here’s a part of the pre-wedding ritual which I find somewhat difficult to understand. It is called a ‘Stag/Hen party’ and it goes like this – you are saying ‘good-bye’ to your freedom. You do it by getting together with your mates, by drinking like there’s no tomorrow, by shouting a lot, by getting into fights with natives and being arrested for public disorder and urinating into someone’s flowers. In short, by behaving exactly in the same way you were behaving since you were a kid, but with more determination, as you were not officially obliged to be an imbecile before, and now you are. The only difference is, this time you know you’re not supposed to do it again, as your days being a free person will be over soon. So next time you’ll be doing drinking/fighting/jumping into the pool from the hotel roof/being arrested etc, you’ll be doing all of this hand by hand with your better half, which is not a same thing.
It doesn’t make any sense. If you value your freedom so much, why marry at all?
And what is it about ‘Hen’ parties, Glasgow and ‘Ryanair’? I don’t know why, but nearly every time I fly ‘Ryanair’ from Glasgow to Dublin, I find myself surrounded by those infernal ‘Hens’ wearing bunny ears, high heels, sparkly pinky things and t-shirts with ‘Heather’s Hen Party’ printed in big golden letters on front and back. A total overkill, those t-shirts, in my opinion. You don’t need them to see who you’re going to share next 45 minutes of your life with, especially after the commencement of the boarding process which was designed for someone whose IQ is measured in positive numbers.
‘No, Madam, one bag only…
Yes, if you take stuff from your overweight bag it will be lighter. Putting this stuff into your friend’s bag will not help, as it’ll become heavier. No madam, I can’t really explain why…
No, a bottle of vodka is liquid and therefore is not going to be allowed on the plane…
No, if you put it in a Coke bottle it’ll still be considered a liquid…
No, if you drink it right now you will not be allowed through, because you’ll be even more drunk…
No, you cannot give it to your friend if she is flying as well…
No, you cannot leave it here for you to collect it later, because you are not coming back. You’ll be arrested in Dublin and sent to Siberia. Forever.
No, the plane cannot wait while you are in a bathroom…
No, your drivers license is not good at the passport control…
Yes, Ireland is a different country altogether…It’s Europe.
What’s Europe? Well Madam, it’s difficult to explain in two words, you really should be sober to understand…
No, the plane will not wait for you to drive home to get your passport…’
You’d hope they miss the flight, and some of them will, but it won’t make any difference whatsoever. Even if a half of them gets in – you’re doomed. If your flight is not diverted to Riga, consider yourself lucky.
‘The Temple Bar’ area is where those bunnies will be downing pints and shots, parading around with the customary giant inflatable male genitalia and getting into cat fights with other ‘Hens’. This part of Dublin is better be avoided at any time after 8-9pm, unless you want to have your eyes scratched out by ‘Heather’s Hens’. Or God forbid you ever cross paths with the ‘Gavin’s Stag Party’……But that’s a different story altogether…
