A BIRTHDAY ACCIDENT

25th of December, 2016. My son’s birthday… 

I’m dropping Vasya off to his girlfriend’s and the rest of the world is driving to their Christmas dinners, so obviously everyone is miserable, irritated and angry. Not us though, we are happy. Vasya got us a massive box of Swiss Truffles, so we’re having pretty good time. The traffic is horrendous, visibility is bad, and everyone is driving like there’s no tomorrow. The car in front of us stops abruptly, I hit the brakes but stop in time. Kaboom!!!! We are hit from behind, our car jumps and hits the car in a front. A car crash is the last thing you need on the Christmas Eve, but what can you do! So, we get out of the car and go to the offending party to introduce ourself. Vasya sees a four/five years old kid in a front seat having a screaming fit, walks to the window and starts feeding him chocolates. Very smart. The boy is busy trying to stick five truffles in his mouth all at the same time, so he’s fine. The driver is very apologetic. He says: ‘me is sorry, me is bad, me is wrong, me didn’t look. Me fault, sorry, sorry..’. Suddenly he gets very pale. He whispers – ‘Oh, me wife…She’ll kill me…’. I reach for truffles. It works. He gets busy. I go to check on the people in the first car. They don’t want my chocolates. They refuse to communicate and repeat one phrase on a loop – ‘We need to call the police, we need to call the police, we need to…’ 

So they did. Twenty minutes later a very irritated Garda arrives, says he doesn’t like Swiss Truffles and we better get inside our cars and shut up while he commences his investigation. Comes to our car in five minutes. 

Garda – ‘Your license please. Thank you Mr. Pono…Pomo…Pomor…Por..  Jesus! Where are you from?’ 

Me – ‘Russia’ 

Garda – ‘Did you plan this?’ 

Me – ‘Excuse me?’ 

Garda – ‘The first car is Ukrainian, the guy behind you is Romanian, you are Russian…. Welcome to Ireland, gentlemen!